Not sure how many times I ask/have asked this question…”Why?” I asked this a lot when I was growing up. Most of the time it was silently to myself. I will ask it when trying to figure something out. I ask this question when people act a certain way. I will ask “Why?” when I don’t understand the Lord’s plan. Why?
Why did I find a journal I created years ago? How many years has it been tucked away and now recently found? I remember writing this entry for a conference I was speaking at. The topic was “faith” and I added to it equipping…”Faith and Equipping.”
This is a testimony as to the “Why?” am I doing this right now. Why am I experiencing this right now? Why are You, Lord, allowing this?
Here is the journal entry I found:
After hurricane Maria (September 20, 2017), my husband and I knew we had to go help. Our hearts ached for the people there and the island’s devastation. But who would go and when? This trip included airfare. There are seven people in our family, so that’s a lot of airfare. We only have one income and during this time period we were renovating a house that we couldn’t live in yet…but that is for another day. My husband said that we could bring the older three boys, while I said all seven of us needed to go. We had always wanted to serve as a family on the mission field outside of Michigan. So, we prayed.
January came around and a trip was being scheduled for June (2018). My husband still didn’t feel like all seven of us should go…he is an accountant and numbers don’t lie. We had enough for he and I…only. That was it. Money was tight. All cash went to the reno. The kids had a different opinion. They were all going with my husband and I. Lord, what is Your will? Sponsor letters were something we had heard about but never thought about. So, the kids wrote a letter, all five signed their little names…on all 60 letters, addressed the envelopes and mailed the letters. Then…they prayed. Every morning during our Bible time they prayed. At evening meals they prayed. At bedtime prayers they prayed. These kids wanted to go to Puerto Rico and help the people there. The kids’ ages were 15, 14, 13, 8 and 7.
As the weeks went by, the church treasurer would receive sponsor money for the Grabill Kids. She would make a copy and place the copy in our mailbox. We chose not to show the kids the amount of money coming in, but we did tell them they received a sponsor response today or this past week. However, my husband and I were seeing the numbers and remember…they don’t lie. The Lord was answering our children’s prayer…answering our prayer to serve as a family. My husband was seeing a way where there was no way. The weeks went by and even the church treasurer was in awe of the response. By the end of April, around 50% of the letters came back with a sponsor! Again, numbers don’t lie…five kiddos, at $1300 a piece…GOD…HAD…PROVIDED! The kids prayed according to His will. The Lord allowed the kids to develop their own faith, not Dad and Mom’s…and this was just the beginning.
There were 30 of us going to Puerto Rico. Multiple generations…ages 3 to 65! That was my mom, age 65, who was recovering from donating her kidney to her twin brother. The One and Only, the great I AM, was in every aspect of the trip…from the money to get there, to where we all stayed, to whom we were going to help. As we flew in, the tarps were numerous. Everywhere. Blue tarps painted the ground. So many homes destroyed. So many roofs gone. Street signs missing and power poles still bent over. Streetlights still out so driving in the dark was…adventurous to say the least.
The Lord didn’t reveal who we were going to help until we arrived…two days before the rest of the 30 flew in. Her name was Esther, a 60-some year-old widow (just like my mom) who lived next to her niece; a single mother of a seven-year-old. You see, that was another concern going in that the Lord took care of. A team of 30 people with limited tools all on one piece of property in Puerto Rico is…challenging. Up to this point we were trying to coordinate two properties in two different towns with one set of tools. Trying to coordinate adults, kids, skills and translators. Needless to say, human coordination only goes so far…sometimes the Lord is needed and we needed to trust and obey.
Esther was in her home when hurricane Maria destroyed her neighborhood. Her house shook as the hurricane blew off part of her roof. She thought it was the end. Then Maria proceeded to completely tear off her niece’s roof. Then across the street was her neighbor’s home, a two-story home. The first floor was made of brick and the second story of wood, except the bathroom, which was brick. Maria left nothing of the second story except the bathroom. Four brick walls of a bathroom standing by themselves. Three homes destroyed all within 100 feet of each other.
We arrived in three 15 tinted passenger vans. One van was stripped of its seats so we could put tools and supplies in it. The other two vans held our team. All 30 of us piled out and filled the two properties. The neighborhood thought we were the government! We only had two fluent Spanish speaking people; one stayed on the premises with us and the other drove the van to gather supplies at the local hardware store. The rest of us did what we could with broken Spanish and made-up sign language.
Could this really be happening? God provided the funds for all seven of us to go, a location where all 30 of us could work together and share the tools. God provided a way for our daughter to eat gluten free and dairy free. He provided a shaded spot in the back of the house for kiddos and others to rest from the sun. God provided so much more…specifically to each of us individually.
For me, I had been struggling for a while with homeschooling. We definitely knew we were supposed to homeschool, but the middle school/high school years are hard. Each personality, skill and weakness. Each interest and learning style…it is difficult. Had me second guessing. I felt like I was going to “ruin” them, yet my husband and I knew without a doubt where their schooling needed to happen. Then…the Lord opened my eyes to see. The three older boys on the roof…with tools…working. Repairing. Using their skills. Serving the Lord…with knowledge and experience. They were climbing up and down the ladders with ease. With supplies in hand…just like at home.
We had been renovating our 1890 two-story farmhouse…including a new roof. These boys knew what to do. The Lord had already equipped them. Our eight-year-old son was helping to clean up the property…just like at home. Our seven-year-old daughter was coloring pictures for Esther and conversing with those who were taking a break…just like at home. What we were doing at home was preparing for the “now.” Tears began to collect. Tears of joy. Tears of thankfulness at what I was witnessing. The Lord was showing me the “Why?”
We also had an opportunity to bring supplies to an orphanage that had kiddos ranging in age of three to 12. These kiddos did not speak English, but they were typical kids wanting to engage and interact. To play and feel “seen.” We were not going to let a language barrier interfere. So, we got out the play dough and sidewalk chalk. Some knew tic-tac-toe. We pushed them on bikes. Gave piggyback rides.
One little boy named Kevin (same name as my brother) came up to me and held up his hands. So, I picked him up and he gathered his arms around my neck for a hug…I of course hugged back. But he wouldn’t let go. He hung on. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord, “How can I communicate with him?” Then…the Holy Spirit brought to mind a song the kids learned at home…five years prior…in Spanish!…”Jesus Loves Me.” I started to sing it to him in Spanish and he hugged tighter…and tighter…and tighter. He wouldn’t let go. This was a moment I will NEVER forget. Tears were streaming down my face. This is “Why?” we learned this song…in Spanish…so I could communicate to Kevin how much his Jesus loves him.
What the Lord is doing now, He is preparing for the future. He is equipping for His purpose.
God was telling me to stop stressing. Stop second guessing. Stop asking “Why?” Just trust Him.
The team was not only able to finish Esther’s house, but also her niece, Sugeylle’s as well. We learned later that Sugeylle had until June 30th to be out of the motel room she was staying in…we left June 19.
Esther was a new believer in Jesus Christ, at some 60 years old. This experience had cemented her faith even more. She was able to see Jesus in action. We were His hands and feet. My husband’s faith also increased through this experience…numbers don’t lie…God provided a way. Our five kiddos’ faith also increased while they prayed for His will, saw it come to fruition and was able to serve His people. My faith increased with trusting in the now because He is equipping for the future. The Author and Perfecter of our faith.
Asking “Why?” needs to be followed with trust. He will eventually show the “Why?” I just need to be patient and wait for His revealing. Trust in His equipping for His good work.
I am ONE story,
Kristy
(English lyrics of the song Jesus Loves Me)
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so
(Spanish lyrics of the song Jesus Loves Me)
Cristo me ama, bien lo se
Su palabra me hace ver
Que los ninos son de aquel
Quien es nuestro amigo fiel
Si, Cristo me ama
Si, Cristo me ama
Si, Cristo me ama
La Biblia dice asi
Hebrews 12:2 ESV (English Standard Version)
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.