What do you do with all the emotions, the feelings? All the hurts and all the scares? What do you do with all the changes swirling in you and those swirling around you? What do you do to process everything?
I am currently studying the book of Psalms and I not only appreciate what this book says but I appreciate all the familiarities in my life. This book shows me that I am normal. There are so many emotions, feelings, hurts, scares, changes written by people in this book that I can relate on so many levels. It tells me I am not alone. This book tells me where to go when I need to process. I need to go to my Creator. The One who made me. The One who can heal me. I think this may be my favorite book in the Bible.
Naming the emotions, the feelings. Naming the hurts and the scares. Naming all the changes that are happening so quickly. This is what the Bible tells us to do. Name it. Say it out loud. Write it down. Don’t be afraid to tell God what is making your head spin. What is making you cry yourself to sleep. That my tears are becoming my food. That…You feel so far away, Lord, where are You?
“I can be faithful without pretending.” This is what I heard lately. God isn’t afraid of my stuff. My baggage. My brokenness. Whatever you want to call it…He can handle it. I remember growing up and not having a lot of liberty with asking questions or with processing. So, I tended to keep my emotions and hurts inward and not really process them. Pretending, really. Pretending that I was fine and to just push through. Ignoring and burying instead of processing. Thinking that it will go away and I won’t be bothered by it. Thinking that if I named what I was feeling I wouldn’t be a good person. That God would be upset with me. I wouldn’t be faithful.
But I can be faithful in my lamenting…naming, claiming, releasing. Telling God what is happening to me and around me. He wants to hear. He wants to collect my tears. He is not afraid of what I am thinking or feeling. He actually embraces it because in the naming, in the process…He heals. He wants to make me whole, but He can’t if I don’t allow Him access. Allow Him to hear what is happening on the inside.
It is scary…naming the things swirling inside of me. Naming the things swirling around me. But I find if I don’t, then the enemy will create lies that I end up believing. I become deceived. Thinking God doesn’t want to hear me. He already heard me say this before. Don’t bother Him again. Or I will hear the lie of you fix it yourself or there really isn’t anything here, I am making it up.
God’s steadfast love is not like those here on earth. He never leaves. He never fails. He keeps His promises. He always has time for me. His love is not like we know here on earth so I can’t compare it. I just have to receive it. Receive His healing and His love. Nothing can take that away from me. Humble myself and receive.
So, I continue to lament. To release what is inside of me. To release those around me. Crying out to God and allowing Him access to heal me. Say, scream, cry and write what is bothering me and following my time, ending my time with truth. His truth. His promises. Giving Him thanksgiving for what He has done and will do.
A current example of one of my laments…
What else, Lord?
What else can You take away from me?
I feel so alone.
I feel unseen, unheard and unvalued.
I can’t even walk to the mailbox.
All I can do is sit and when I do those evil thoughts come in and take over.
They consume me like maggots, eating away anything good.
And it becomes so dark.
But…You, O Lord, are the Lifter of my head.
The Collector of my tears. The Light that gives me hope.
Thank you for Your steadfast love that never ceases.
Lamenting is being faithful without pretending.
I am ONE story,
Kristy