Our second-in-line son was married on October 7, 2023…can’t believe it has been a year already. He and his wife had been dating throughout high school. Ready to start a life together. That is how life works, isn’t it? Your little one becomes an adult and creates a life of their own, and you are not their center anymore. It’s biblical…the boy mom gets replaced.
At the rehearsal on that Friday, I gave a small speech about our son and what he meant to his dad…love of motors and fixing things. What he meant to his baby sister…he would rock her, read to her, do Spanish apps together and of course take her for rides on any motor. And what he has meant to me…love of music and dance. Dance parties on Saturday mornings while making pancakes. Dance parties when it was raining outside. Or dance parties when we were stressed…or happy…anytime really.
The day was memorable in more than one way. It was an outdoor wedding. Color of leaves were turning. The week leading up to Saturday was warm; like 80 degrees warm. But that Thursday the temperature dropped 30 degrees. And it rained. Umbrellas came out for the rehearsal on Friday. Texts were sent out the day of the ceremony…bring blankets and umbrellas please. Dress warm. What stood out the most were the rainbows…beautiful rainbows. All day Saturday the Lord blessed us with rainbows. Even double rainbows. Then, during the actual ceremony…sun! The clouds opened enough for the sun to shine down during the exchange of vows and peanut butter and jelly sandwich unity. Thank you, Jesus!
I now become his extended family…read that carefully because it’s true and it can hurt…extended family. I heard this statement and thought, yep, that is true and it is another loss I have to process. The one I carried and held and fed. The one who needed mommy’s t-shirt in order to sleep at night. The one who would crawl to me and ask to be picked up and held. The one who hugged me throughout the day. I now become his extended family.
The day that I realized things were changing I will remember forever. He was no longer needing me…she was waiting for him in the dining room and so was I. He went to her first. That is when I knew…I am being replaced.
That is when I started grieving. Grieving because life was changing. Change is hard. That is also when I knew my prayers had been answered. He had found the one to help him. To hug him. To encourage him. To be his help mate. I grieved. Again. It’s normal. It’s biblical. Doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Doesn’t hurt.
Why is it whenever there is change or a loss of something/someone in any capacity…it takes me forever to grieve? Grieving is SUCH a process. And this type of loss was actually a gain! My husband and I gained a daughter-in-law…and by the way, she is an amazing help mate to our son and a fantastic sister-in-law to our other kiddos.
Time for him to start his own family.
One boy down and only three more boys to go. I can do this. I can be replaced four times. Become extended family to five kiddos…because yes, one day our daughter will become an adult and marry and she will start her own family.
Having adult kids is a new adventure for my husband and I. Unchartered territory. We invite but don’t expect. Listen but only give advice if asked…maybe ask a few questions. Observe and pray. Continuously praying for them.
We teach our kids to read and then they read to learn. How exciting! They can learn independently and ask questions along the way. We encourage this! So why is it so different as a parent? We spend 18 years teaching them, training them for good character. Then they are 18. An adult. On their own. Independent. I have to release control. Let them make decisions and choices. Maybe that’s my problem…control. Or maybe it is because I am out of a job or demoted in a way. I have been such an active part in their lives and now I am not. Extended family. I have been replaced.
So, I listen and pray. That is my new job. We have two ears for a reason, right? Quick to listen and slow to speak. And I pray.
I am ONE story,
~ Kristy
Ephesians 5:31 NLT (New Living Translation)
31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
James 1:19 NLT (New Living Translation)
19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Ephesians 1:16 NLT (New Living Translation)
16 I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly,
Colossians 1:3 NLT (New Living Translation)
3 We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.