I am ONE story. Everyone has one; a story that is. Some like to share stories and some people don’t. Some stories are cut way too short and others have a long story to share. Stories will have seasons/chapters where life is good and smooth, while other seasons are dark and lonely. Do we talk about these? The dark and lonely stories or is it forbidden? Shameful? Who decides this? Why do we avoid telling or listening to these chapters? Do we only like to listen to and hear stories of happiness? Is it easier to share when there is easiness involved; maybe because there is less at stake? Less vulnerability to be exercised. Some seasons/chapters I would like to go back and change, but I can’t. Sometimes I would like to change the story of one of my kiddos or of a close friend. Maybe change a thing or two so there is no pain or that I could be involved. But it is not possible. I don’t get to write their story.
Stories are written or recorded in books, movies and Scripture. I love to read biographies. Testimonies. Reading another one’s story helps me understand. Understand who that person is. How their story has shaped them into who they are today. Understand why the choices they make are made. We can learn a lot from one another’s story.
My story is one of being a lost sheep, who didn’t know how much I needed a Shepherd. A story of one who was lost until Jesus found me in a hospital room in the year 2003.
In the beginning of my story, my parents brought me to church every Sunday. A new Easter outfit every year. Every summer a Vacation Bible School (VBS) was attended, where songs were sung, games played and crafts created. I understood that church was important. I understood that saying Jesus is my Savior and being baptized was important…I did that at the age of 10 and rebaptized at age of 29…but that is for another day. I listened to the lessons of the Old Testament from the teachers in the small brick classrooms in the basement of the church, but application was not taught. That the lessons in Scripture were for me to learn from and apply to my life. To learn that there is a Shepherd who wanted me to follow Him, to learn from Him, to have a personal relationship with…because life is tough sometimes and having a Shepherd will make it possible to weather the storms coming in the future chapters.
We all have a story. A story with past chapters, current chapters and soon to be made known chapters. A story that is important to the Shepherd. Important enough to leave ‘the 99’ and to come find me and you.
In 2003 we were expecting our first child. We didn’t find out the gender but we did have names picked out if it was a boy or a girl. The pregnancy was textbook, so why did he arrive six weeks early? Our family doctor delivered him. She didn’t understand why he came early, but I know. Now I understand. It was to get my attention is the why. No matter how perfectly I handled the pregnancy, I was NOT in control. What?!….I AM control. I do control. My life is in control.
This is where I placed my peace, was in my control. My Shepherd was trying to get my attention. He wanted to shepherd me knowing that my story to come, the next seasons/chapters, were going to get hard. Real hard. Going through life was hard enough without having a Shepherd to guide me. By the way….I am not in control. The Good Shepherd is. I am a recovering control freak (CF)….but that is for another day.
We opted for the weekend Lamaze class. Our thought was, create time to plow through the course instead of opting for the six weeks’ worth of commitment. We attended the Friday night class, went home to sleep, and planned on finishing the class on Saturday. Well…throughout the night changes happened. A lot of changes. I woke my husband up to tell him about the changes. “Go back to bed. You are fine.” No, I am not. Something isn’t right. Even the dog was shadowing me knowing changes were happening. By the way…this wasn’t the only time he told me “you are fine”…but that is for another day.
Needless to say, a baby was being born and we headed to the hospital with a pillow and a water bottle. That’s it. How naïve could we be?! A baby boy was born, placed into the NICU and me into a room on a general floor because there was no room on the maternity floor. My husband had to leave to gather our things from the class. He had to go home to take care of the dog and gather the overnight bag. My husband was not with me. My baby was not with me. I was alone. Scared. Frustrated. In a general room at the hospital. I was pacing. I was angry. “Why did everyone leave me,” I said through my teeth. By the way…feeling alone, abandoned, a trapped memory from my childhood…I didn’t understand this until years later in counseling…but that is for another day.
After spewing my comment out loud, this was the return, “I’ve never left you.” My Shepherd was trying to get me to understand that He had come to find me, in that hospital room. In a moment where I felt abandoned by my husband, by my baby. He didn’t want me to be lost anymore. He found me.
In the book of Luke, chapter 15, verses 1-7, we have The Parable of the Lost Sheep. We have a ‘ONE’ who is lost without a Shepherd. The Shepherd leaves the 99 other sheep to go find the lost ONE. He finds the ONE and rejoices! He asks others to rejoice with Him. ONE sheep. ONE story. He pursued me and He pursues you. That ONE sheep is me. I am ONE story.
I am ONE story that has had numerous chapters in life. Some chapters include me not realizing there is a Shepherd. Some chapters include acknowledging I had a shepherd available, but who needs that or has time for that? I didn’t need to be lead because I was in control. Some chapters of my story include not only realizing I have a Shepherd, acknowledging the Shepherd, but actually listening to the voice of my Shepherd and choosing to follow Him. Moving forward in my story, in the next chapters of my story, I am grateful that I have a Shepherd that never leaves me.
We all have a story. A story with past chapters, current chapters and soon to be made known chapters. A story that is important to the Shepherd. Important enough to leave ‘the 99’ and to come find me and you.